Ray Taylor

Breakin'... Breakin'... She’s breakin' down.

Her life spins out of control as the people around her tell her things that remove every drop of honesty she posses. Every drop is like a brick removed from a beautiful castle. As her foundation is slowly depleted she starts to bend easier then ever before doing things that she has never done. As the darkness of this word starts to pull her closer to the bottom she thinks back of the times when things were happy. When things came and went without worry or regard. No, she doesn’t know where she is, or where she should be. The doctor tells her, he knows shes not exactly crazy about the way she has been lately, but things will overwhelm her. Don’t trust the life that presents itself. Things that make an effort to show themselves are in disguise. Evil things sugar coating the pain that follows. She now sees that the life she leads is only a bad dream. A bad dream that cant be stopped by the sound of an alarm. Its the kind of reality that only has 2 options. To wait it out is the long hard road. To wake herself up would be the second short and easy road. No one knows how long the first road will take but the second is in your hands. With the second road you write the ending. She says don’t worry you’ll be fine, its only a matter of time. But the question remains is time in her hands or in the hands of life. As the clock on the wall ticks the seconds away she makes her decision

Unhinged and happy

The top of my head becomes unhinged. It pops open like a soda that’s been shaken. The sounds makes me tired so i lay down. As my head tilts my brain slips out and rolls around on the floor. i open my eyes at the sound of the thud. i can see my thoughts swirling around inside my grey matter. I smile knowing its all going to be OK. as my thoughts lay on the ground apart from my cranium. I can finally sleep. No memories to turn my dreams to fear. no thoughts of the things that are not real. i slide into my rest, not feeling the fall, only seeing the dark. Its peaceful in the dark when your brain can’t scare you. the seconds I’m away turn to days. and the rising and setting of the sun turns itself into a lunar strobe light. my brain seeing what is happening digs the glow sticks from under the couch and begins to vibrate to the mute sounds of the world and the flashing of the speeding sun. Its a good thing I’m asleep for this because a dancing brain might kill me. as my brain gets tired it places the rods of light back under the couch and rolls itself back into my head. as if reborn i awake smelling the sweet air of life. My lungs fill with it and push it out again. I’m not sure what has happened but, DAMN I feel like dancin’!

For Allie (One Love)

“If i could grant one wish for you it would be to bend time so that you could meet your heroes.”

Time is an odd thing. Some people are given more then others. Why is it that the brightest candles burn out the fastest? How can something so precious to the world be taken away? How does this make any sense? If i could bend time I would have met you sooner. I would have spent time with you and gotten to know you. I may have loved you. But the bending of time is out of my controll. I can only bend my mind regretting things left undone, and things left unsaid. Time bends for no man but the mind bends on its own. It takes no effort. Yet the pain it causes is stronger then all suffering of the world. My brain is bent and twisted at the thought of loosing you. On the verge of breaking my only thought is to get out what i can. I don’t know what else to do. I lay in my bed in moments between sobbing the life out of myself thinking of what comes next. what is the next step. So many thing in life are laid out fairly easy to follow. But when things happen that you can’t explain your left in a dark room with no sense of were to go next. each step could lead you closer to the light or further into nothingness. i close my eyes and see your face. i can here your voice telling me your on your way. i hear myself telling you to take care and be safe. Words mean nothing. No words i could have said could have stopped your spirit from leaving your body. yet here i sit. searching for a way out of the darkness fighting back the tears. wishing i had never met you and maybe you might still be alive with the other people who care so much about you. But nothing can happen. time does not care. So what do i do. i want to tear the world apart. crumble it up and toss it away. I want to bend time until it breaks wide open so the world could see your beauty and your spirit. i want to find my way out of the darkness. All i can do is wate, and hope. Hope that the black fog of depression lifts itself off of me so i can see the path again. It is my hope that you can see how missed you are. It is my hope that when your spirit left your body that your beautiful energy shot out over the world and became part of everything and everyone that loved you. I hope that your energy will lift the fog and restore my vision. Everything I ever wrote to you was straight from my heart. I miss you Allie.

-ONE LOVE-

Allison Anderson R.I.P. 5/23/06

As I burn the flames look so beautiful

As I burn the flames look so beautiful.

The fire burns down to the cuticle.

The smoke rising to the sky

My only question, Why?

How did this happen to me

How will I ever see

I cannot see, I cannot feel.

Yet this tragedy seems so real

I cannot see, I cannot feel

As my skin begins to peal

The world spins without regard

This life never ending, Its getting so hard.

Why do we hate what we dont know

How can these things help us grow

Are we born to die, Is this all a lie

What are the answers, to these the plagues and the cancers

How will we see when its just you and me

Is time only an illusion, is the ticking adding to our confusion

Rip the cloak from your vision

Free yourself from this prison

If you choose not to fight

Your bound to ignite

Burst into flames

Forgetting the names

Of the people who came before

The people that are no more

They cast there stone

Surviving on there own

Dont fall into the darkness

Nothing is created flawless

Are we born to die, Is this all a lie

What are the answers, to these the plagues and the cancers

How will we see when its just you and me

Is time only an illusion, is the ticking adding to our confusion

I see the answer growing in you

Like a flower blooming anew

So small and and full of life

But with the strength of a knife

Will these ideas spread and catch

Or will they transform into a match

On lifes rough edges the match could strike

Like the horrible pain from a spike

Ignite the world and destroy it all

Will we save ourselves or will we fall

The fire grows deep inside of me

Seeping through my pores can you see

My life all a blaze

This world in a daze

My skin burns

My stomach turns

As I burn the flames look so beautiful.

The fire burns down to the cuticle.

The smoke rising to the sky

My only question, Why?

How did this happen to me

How will I ever see

I cannot see, I cannot feel.

Yet this tragedy seems so real

I cannot see, I cannot feel

As my skin begins to peal

Drops of Sanity

Drops of sanity slide down the blue sky as the clouds find there train of thought. The soft cotton in the sky morph and shift the way thoughts flow through a simple mind. animals uncover themselves in the mess of life. bleached animals flying through the sky, tempting fate, and denying gravity its only true love. The air is sharp and cuts through the lungs of a young child who is the only witness of this natural chaos. As his lungs fill with the essence of life. its energy shoots out into the heavens, bending the light of the sun and bringing the darkness upon him. Unafraid of the darkness the child takes in more of the invisible daggers. once more the energy launches itself out to curve the light back. The light of the earth is now in a mess, shaking and vibrating the the drops of sanity can no longer continue there downward travel. The drops of sanity in an effort to make a life of there own grow wings and fly to the nearest black hole in space. As the drops float effortlessly into the darkness the wings slowly begin to fall away. as the future of sanity is becoming less of a reality. the child reaches up into space hoping to show creation his blunders have purpose. A giant hand interrupts the pending disaster for the droplets. the droplets of sanity attach themselves to the hand of the child. one by one the droplets enter into the child. taking hold of his every being he can now see colors that have never been seen, hear sounds that have never been heard, and become the dreams that have always entered his mind when the sun is dead. The beginning of the end or the end of the beginning? only the child can say for sure. But he’ll never tell.

Everything inside of me is burning up for you to see.

My toe fell off while i was sleeping last night. In my dream i could see it fall to the ground and push through the floor. as it traveled through the solid matter that holds my reality in place the noise it made woke me up. I noticed that the sun had been up for hours and my room was hot enough to ignite a tear before it could rest on the ground. You don’t notice the heat when you’ve lost a toe. a breeze swept through me and carried my problems out to sea. as they floated over the waves and past the humming birds the clouds rained down on them and pushed them deep into the sea. In the salty world past the land my problems met my toe. they joined and became a thorn in the side of the earth. The earth cringed as the pain of the thorn shot through it. As the earth wept i could see that a change was in store for the sun that heated up my life. as i melted away from the heat, dripping down to the floor i could now see things as some rarely do. objects had become stretched and warped into a blended kaleidoscope of sound. Visible sound is hard to feel. its hard to feel the notes as you watch them pass through you. after i had melted away and soaked into the carpet i could see the day was going to be long. the day was already 3 feet longer then i had expected. at the time the sun died, the day had grown longer then the thought process of the people who write the books that the world fights over. the death of the thorn was not because of a book. rather the thorn died because the earth had its own problems that made little room for some small thorn. At the end of it all i wish i had never woken up.